In the modern world of spirituality and conscious relationships, detachment is considered to be one of the fundamental pillars of conscious living and loving.
The concept of detachment comes from Hindu and Buddhist spirituality. Detachment, or non-attachment, is the result of repeated spiritual perceptions that cause us to be strongly rooted in our sense of Self. This higher Self remains unaffected by the fluctuations of daily life.
It is that witnessing part in ourselves that always feels at peace and simply observes what comes and goes. It is that part that knows that “time heals all wounds.” In reality though, on top of this higher Self, we all have developed a personality that is shaped by our past experiences. This personality carries hopes, dreams, and emotional pain. These aspects of our personality, when not made peace with, keep us identified with our personality and therefore weaken our roots in the Self.
Unfortunately, many spiritual practitioners subscribe to the idealistic worldview that is presented in spiritual lore and artificially apply it because it somehow “makes sense.” While non-attachment is a beautiful and elevated quality that can bring a lot of peace and love into your life, its misapplication can be dangerous for your well-being and of those around you.
Non-attachment is a spontaneous quality of someone who has ceased to identify with the personality parts of himself. When non-attachment does not come naturally or when it is something we are striving for or a technique we are applying, it can result in emotional suppression.
Let me illustrate this with an example from one of my open-relationships. The partner I loved had laid his eyes on another woman and decided that he wanted to date her. While I kept telling myself that I love him and therefore I was happy he was having a great time, my heart suffered. I felt as if he didn’t love me enough by putting me through such hardship. Intellectually, I believed in unconditional love but emotionally I wasn’t ready for it.
Non-attachment is not about not caring but rather requires a deep and intimate experience of life. Unfortunately, my partner was the type who tried to apply “spiritual concepts” to control me. Instead of acknowledging my pain and asking how he could help me, he simply gave me a lecture on non-attachment, on the very things I already knew.